You know when it curbs me?
Of course, I feel it.
I feel it for you too.
You are no exception.
I am either.
I hate you sometimes.
And you know what,
It breeds when you are not around.
I don’t know what made you
Surmount your presence,
There around me,
Most of the times,
When it all started.
It has an unnoticeable existence,
Time and again,
That I cannot feel it differently,
As those movies and those stories extrapolate,
I don’t feel anything different,
It’s all just the same.
But I do feel something.
I feel a chamber around me,
That cuts me from the chaos of my life,
That lands me up in a small space,
Where I can be,
Without considering the rest of the world.
That space which is now an addiction.
And I will blame no one, but you.
I didn’t face the moments of discontent earlier.
Although, I won’t deny any prior encounters,
But this reason is new.
And it took me long to figure out,
One can never have those numbing points,
Discovered all by oneself,
Weakness is a better word,
But you are not my weakness.
You have always existed as my strength,
But, then why is this subsistence,
That is troubling me out.
What is the strange silence,
That covers me up.
Why I land myself in thinking,
What has happened and
What will now?
Why I am gaping and gazing still,
For some moments,
Till someone figures that out.
That sounds weird,
In fact, it is,
The thing is, it took me so long,
To get hold of that weirdness.
Was I the same?
Before few years,
Did I feel the same urge
To be in that small space of yours?
I never knew,
That it ever existed,
Was it better than what it is now?
That dilemma curtails me all the time.
What could have happened
Or how could have been the world now?
Anyway, who am I, when,
Shakespeare himself suffered,
While choosing to be or not to be,
So did the Frost in another way,
Not seeing the other side of the woods,
Where he would have traveled if he had chosen differently.
Well, it could not be changed,
But the matter is all about hatred.
Cut it off, as it is inevitable.
I cannot stop hating you,
For coming and being a part of the journey,
That I was accustomed to traveling alone.
But you know,
I loved you for the same reason.
Ain’t it worse when it works on extremities?
You know me enough,
I have always loved to play in extreme lines.
So, we will now.
Don’t wait for me ever.
Don’t disturb the symphony of your life.
Don’t think of me all night.
Don’t remember my chatter in the day too.
I won’t come to you for all.
But I will call you one day.
You may ask me next,
But don’t think of it now,
‘Cause I won’t tell you,
Because I don’t even know when.
But I will call you one day.
Let me catch the phrase,
When the world will lose its vividness,
When the stars will subside its shine,
When the flowing water will not make those lovely sound,
When my heart will resign,
When the birds will not sound so good,
When the winds will divert its flow,
When my hair will not float in the brooks,
When my feet will get swollen,
When the blue of the sky will get dull,
When the sunshine will hit me hard,
When I cannot tolerate the heat out of the dark,
When my head will throb and will diverge apart,
When the tigers will get tamed by those monkeys,
When the music will get dull,
When the rhythms will have no melody,
When my words will become hollow, thoroughly null,
When the yellow will not please me, nor will the blue,
When the rainbow will lose its curve and the butterfly will lose its hue.
See I told you.
That I still don’t know when I will call you.
But I will call you one day.
When the moon will not talk with the night and will swallow its words within,
When the droplets will not stick to the ground and run away,
When the trains will forget the directions and rains will forget the play,
When darkness of black will turn white,
When the brightness of white will turn gray.
See I promised you that I will call you one day.
I will call you and will ask you if you know a world so new,
Far away from this whimsical souls,
Having new textures, new hue,
I will ask you to tell me if you know how to go to that place,
You will do some spell and tell me that you still don’t have the way.
But then you will turn a plate which is too heavy to lift upside down,
And then you will say you have corrected my world,
My place from where I came,
My home bearing ground.
And then I will be afraid cause I have left it far away,
I want to go to a new land,
Through a journey which passes through infinite bays.
But then you will sing me a song,
Telling that the world is nothing but a loop,
The threads sometimes are taut, sometimes they become too loose.
But you know that magic which can stretch it all tight,
You will be my harbinger of bliss and turn my land upright.
And then I will deny but you will throw me again to that land,
I will get pleased by the blossoms and smell of the muddy rain.
Within the loop, I will travel again,
And then again we will come to the promise,
Of calling you once again.
The small gate,
A swing to fling,
That’s all makes her place,
Her owned cage.
She has got used to it since she was a little birdie,
She has started loving it now,
Spending each passing day,
In a fixed routine.
Fluttering her wings inside the cage,
Eating those seeds and then,
Jumping in those small puddles of water,
Which often got filled in the curves of the base.
She has always been a frolicking soul,
Calmness, and composure,
She doesn’t know how these are defined.
However, she knows how to spell ferocity,
She is never a soul to be chained,
To be bound to a single place.
She has that urge,
Of playing with the far spread clouds.
She has the whim,
Of dangling the twigs
Make her music through those rumbling sounds.
What she wanted is to own is that place in the far off sky,
Above those equally ferocious clouds.
She has always known that she could tame them.
Spending each day inside those limiting bars,
Her curiosity trailed towards the higher slope.
With days passing she used to think of the parallel world,
Where the boundaries cease to exist,
Where your world has no pain but glee.
One day she planned and left for a stroll,
Peeking outside that rails of hers,
She got out somehow and flew.
She flew through the heights,
Exploring paths and trails,
Embellishing it all with her music,
She has never thought she could fly that high,
She could cry too loud with her spirits,
And get so near towards the end of the sky.
She flew over the fields,
She flew over the sea,
She took rest near the creek,
Sometimes near the beach.
She picked food from varied places
And savored the delicacies.
What she loved is the vividness of the cultures around,
The age old beliefs,
And those new sounds.
She met few companions,
Who shared with her their stories,
She wrote that in her memory,
And kept their images imprinted on her temples.
She has always believed that,
People often meet in journey multiple times.
As when they are introduced to you,
It’s the preamble to the story that is yet to be derived.
She knew she has to return to the cage again,
As she could not leave her owners in grief,
But she took it all,
Lived it all,
As a respite in brief.
Tonight I am not gonna leave you,
Not even for those fraction of seconds,
When you blink your eyes,
When you adjust your pair of glasses,
When you take rhythmic deep breaths,
When you curl your hair with your fingers,
No, you won’t get even that fraction of your time,
It’s a special one for you and me,
Not because they celebrate the arriving year,
With those fireworks and gatherings
But because our years of togetherness starts today.
You were always caught in decisions.
And persistent urge,
After all those couple of years,
Finally we are here,
I can hold you in my arms,
Leaving behind those moments of hesitation and denial,
I can run finger through your hair,
I can play with them,
I can fondle you,
I can hold you tight,
I can stare at you for long,
I can hear your heart beating so close
I can see the glistening eyes of yours reflecting mine,
I can tickle you and hear your laugh.
Oh, how long I have waited for this day,
Will you understand,
The pain and sufferings,
I’ve gone through in past couple of years,
It’s like I was living apart,
From a detached part of my body,
Of my soul,
Waiting for it to complete my living.
There was not a single moment,
When I didn’t think about you,
Each single day I urged to see your face,
I wondered if you were alright,
Because I have always feared the world,
The world that detached us
The world that snatched you from me,
I had cried then,
I soaked in vain,
What else I could have done,
I was so helpless,
I couldn’t gather my courage then,
I was broken by the unrighteous blames,
They put on me,
I was turned to pieces,
The mere thought of detaching with you,
That came so harsh.
But I build my strength,
On the pillars of my immense love for you,
I honed my fierceness,
Because when you are up for the battle,
With the heartless world,
You have to pierce them hard to win,
And I won.
I won because the love always transcends the barrier,
No matter how large and stiff they form it.
And there we are tonight,
Below the shining sky,
You’ve always loved the stars,
But for me you stand above all,
You are the shining star of my life,
Which has always guided my way,
You are my source of happiness,
The spirit of my life.
I have always wanted to see you growing,
Learning those minute modalities of life,
But I won’t regret the past now,
As I have the present with me,
Tonight we will celebrate our togetherness,
To cover up past nine years that I have missed being a part of,
I don’t blame the court but the people who did it,
But then my love,
My beautiful princess,
We are together tonight,
And for the rest of the life.
I have you.
The best thing in my world.
The end of my sorrows,
The beginning of my dreams,
That I have dreamt of, all those nights.
Tonight, I will tell you the story of your mother.
As whom I have transcended in my life,
Oh, my little fairy,
I will tell you the story of vigor,
I will tell you the story of rage,
So that you may light the flame tonight,
Inside your soul,
That never ceases its flare.
“Take me away from here,
I don’t want to live in this nasty place anymore,”
She said to her sister,
But, she continued to cover her up with the quilt,
Both felt the chills,
The running air conditioners,
Or the disaster that numbed their nerves.
She asked the ward boy to increase the temperature,
Intensive Care Unit,
Waved the board outside.
She wished if she could grant her wish,
As she always did,
But how could she.
How could she make her disappear,
From this world ,
Where she herself is stuck for years?
She wondered if she could have an escape,
An escape to the world where still humanity exists,
An escape to the world where they can walk and laugh freely on the streets,
An escape to the world where no one bothers how they dressed, how they acted,
An escape to the world where they are not judged by the freedom of their thoughts against the unjust,
An escape to the world where they do not suffer the critical remarks on their blunt character,
An escape to the world where no one crumbles their dreams with the stiff hammer of realities,
An escape to the world where their bodies are treated with sanctity,
An escape to the world where they are not possessions to crave for,
An escape to the world where they are not mere objects for fulfilling their lust and desires,
An escape to the world where they are not intimidated by the devilish eyes of those hunters,
An escape to the world where their souls are still free and unhampered,
An escape to the world where everyone makes stand towards the injustice,
An escape to the world where they are not questioned for undone misdeeds,
An escape to the world where they are supported in the fight against the people who gave them scars,
An escape to the world where their excruciating pain is felt, with which they suffer, each passing hour,
An escape to the world where they are not harassed,
An escape to the world where they are not raped.
She wished, if she could have the one.
Covering her up,
She closed her eyes,
Her palms were cold.
Holding them tight,
“Sleep, my love.
We are not cowards,
We will not run,
We will fight.”